Plant Some Seeds and Watch Them Grow (Study #2, 2001/02/15, 2001/03/20)

Dealing With Death of a Loved One

Very recently, I had a close friend lose his uncle, to whom he was very close. I attended the funeral, the first I'd ever attended. I saw first-hand the stress and depression that the death caused the family. Losing such a family member is often very hard on a family. The best thing to do is try to focus on the positive and not allow degradation of one's spiritual life because of such a death. My friend losing his uncle make me think about death and what one's mental attitude should be toward it, whether it be dealing with one's own death or the death of a family member or close friend.

There are facts about death that must be accepted. Let's look at what the Bible says about death:

1. All human beings die. (There have been two exceptions: Enoch and Elijah)

   No one has power over the wind to restrain the wind, or power over the day of death. - from Ecclesiastes 8:8 (NRSV)

2. Life after age 70 is typically difficult.

   First, because of the familiarity of the "threescore and ten" quote, here is that verse from the 1611 King James Version (note the archaic word spellings):

   The dayes of our yeres are threescore yeeres and ten, and if by reason of strength they be fourescore yeeres, yet is their strength labour and sorrow: for it is soone cut off, and we flie away. - Psalmes 90:10 (KJV 1611)

   Here is a translation written in modern language:

   The days of our life are seventy years, or perhaps eighty, if we are strong; even then their span is only toil and trouble; they are soon gone and we fly away. - Psalms 90:10 (NRSV)

   Someone who makes it past 70 years of age is definitely strong, according to this verse. However, it is noted that living past such an age becomes full of toil and trouble.

3. Death is a natural thing, and for one who is elderly and failing in health, as sad as it seems, it may be the best thing, to provide an end to a state of great difficulty, discomfort, and anxiety.

   O death, how welcome is your sentence to one who is needy and failing in strength, worn down by age and anxious about everything; to one who is contrary, and has lost all patience! Do not fear death's decree for you; remember those who went before you and those who will come after. - Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) 41:2-3 (NRSV)

One should not get depressed over the loss of a loved one, and should be thankful for current family and friends that are still around. Every day with them is a blessing. One must try to think positively and count blessings rather than sorrows. Even after someone is gone, there will always be the memories of them. Thinking about the good times that were shared may help to overshadow the sorrowful thoughts.

If one gets really upset and depressed, they should not make an effort to stay alone and continue being depressed for extended periods of time. Getting with family or friends really can help the state of one's mind. People tend to let their spiritual lives deteriorate when upset, which is a dangerous side effect. One's goal at all times should be to think positively and keep a healthy spiritual life and relationship with God. Doing so tends to make everything else take care of itself.

There is a second danger in dealing with the death of a loved one. Focusing too much attention to one who has died can lead to idolatry. Believe it or not, the origin of idolatry may well have been due to such feelings focused onto a dead person. Here is a passage from the book of Wisdom of Solomon, chapter 14, verses 15-17:

For a father, consumed with grief at an untimely bereavement, made an image of his child, who had been suddenly taken from him; he now honored as a god what was once a dead human being, and handed on to his dependents secret rites and initiations. Then the ungodly custom, grown strong with time, was kept as a law, and at the command of monarchs carved images were worshiped. When people could not honor monarchs in their presence, since they lived at a distance, they imagined their appearance far away, and made a visible image of the king whom they honored, so that by their zeal they might flatter the absent one as though present. (NRSV)

Another of his disciples said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus said to him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead." (NRSV)

Translation abreviations used:

• NRSV : New Revised Standard Version
• KJV : King James Version (1611 Edition)